Little Monster, cont.
Okay, keep in mind that I adore Immy so much that I think she practically trails glitter and fairy dust when she walks, and that I think that she is so sweet and smart and beautiful that my head is likely to explode. But she has taken to doing two things that are kind of funny, in the evil sense.
First, and most harrowing, she delights in tormenting us by finding choking hazards and deliberately sticking them in her mouth. I'm not talking about the typical baby habit of mouthing everything. She is way beyond that. What she does is find an object just the right size to block her windpipe. Then she holds onto it until she has the perfect opportunity to meet my eye and, laying down the gauntlet, pops it into her mouth with a smirk. She knows that I will shriek and bolt across the room to dig my fingers into her mouth to save her from certain death, which she thinks is about the most hilarious thing on earth. Even worse, if we're not looking at her, she will stick the object in her mouth and proudly announce "I eating." At which point I will scream and fling myself on top of her, digging my fingers down her throat. Yesterday she dug some sort of cylindrical bolt out of the inside of a drawer in her changing table and casually stuck it in her mouth as I was walking by. Given that the changing table was made in China, the metal was probably toxic.
The second thing is her new line in emotional blackmail. Whenever I'm doing something that she doesn't like (changing her diaper, applying diaper rash ointment, brushing her hair, trying to give her a bath), she will call out "Jandra!! Jandra!!" (Alexandra), as in "Jandra, come and save me from my evil mother!" Of course, being pathological, I feel emotionally wounded that she doesn't want her mama. She does it with Rob too. Yesterday, he asked her, "Immy, do you love Dada?" as they were on their way out to the car. And she said "No. I wuv Mama." (Only because I wasn't there to hear it mind you.) Then, when I got into the car with them he asked her again, and she said "No, I wuv Max." And then "No, I wuv doggie." She won't give the lucky recipient of her affection the satisfaction of hearing it!!! Not that we should even be pursuing this avenue of conversation with her at all. We just can't help it because it is so funny.
First, and most harrowing, she delights in tormenting us by finding choking hazards and deliberately sticking them in her mouth. I'm not talking about the typical baby habit of mouthing everything. She is way beyond that. What she does is find an object just the right size to block her windpipe. Then she holds onto it until she has the perfect opportunity to meet my eye and, laying down the gauntlet, pops it into her mouth with a smirk. She knows that I will shriek and bolt across the room to dig my fingers into her mouth to save her from certain death, which she thinks is about the most hilarious thing on earth. Even worse, if we're not looking at her, she will stick the object in her mouth and proudly announce "I eating." At which point I will scream and fling myself on top of her, digging my fingers down her throat. Yesterday she dug some sort of cylindrical bolt out of the inside of a drawer in her changing table and casually stuck it in her mouth as I was walking by. Given that the changing table was made in China, the metal was probably toxic.
The second thing is her new line in emotional blackmail. Whenever I'm doing something that she doesn't like (changing her diaper, applying diaper rash ointment, brushing her hair, trying to give her a bath), she will call out "Jandra!! Jandra!!" (Alexandra), as in "Jandra, come and save me from my evil mother!" Of course, being pathological, I feel emotionally wounded that she doesn't want her mama. She does it with Rob too. Yesterday, he asked her, "Immy, do you love Dada?" as they were on their way out to the car. And she said "No. I wuv Mama." (Only because I wasn't there to hear it mind you.) Then, when I got into the car with them he asked her again, and she said "No, I wuv Max." And then "No, I wuv doggie." She won't give the lucky recipient of her affection the satisfaction of hearing it!!! Not that we should even be pursuing this avenue of conversation with her at all. We just can't help it because it is so funny.
posted by Joey at
5:36 AM
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